Cold weather is making me chubby and turning me into a Belly Boy!

I am a Puerto Rican from the Bronx, New York and I know cold.  Today I live in Southern California where true cold as well as true humans do not exist. LOL.  However, that does not mean that I don’t get cold. Last night I had my usual thrice- weekly nightmare about forgetting to take my last test in college and I woke up startled at 4 am. And it was cold like a mutha plumper.  I dragged my self- loathing self – involved self out of my toasty, cozy bed, sprinted into the bathroom, and into a back scalding hot shower and then double layered my clothes while gulping  decaf-Verona café.  It is now 5 A.M and I feel a little warmer but I am operating at only 62 percent of my true awesomeness.  As the Arctic cold sets in, I feel less supple and less Olympian than usual.  Truth be told, I have not toned and tightened in a week since this  arctic nippiness obliterated my idyllic So Cal life and my three-pack abs. I have also avoided direct eye contact with my bathroom scale. It’s been eight days of actively engaging in three of the deadliest sins. I won’t name the particular sins because I don’t know them. All I know is that all I want to do is eat mushy, gushy, cheesy, gooey comfort foods which add to my current bloat and inability to wear tight pants so I have to settle for the baggy pants (that I should have given away to ensure I wouldn’t have them as an option) which contrary to the effort I make to convince myself that baggy is better these days, I just look like what I am; a baggy pants, baggy shirt-wearing, over-sized version of my lean summer  self. This is not my best look.  And like everyone else, when I like what I see in the mirror, I feel proud.  These days, I’m questioning my place in the universe.

 I teach fifth grade and as a male teacher in an elementary school, I could become the teacher that wears the same baggy pants everyday – we all remember that guy – “Mr. Shchlumpkowski” –but that is not my goal.  It’s easy to win the “worst dressed at work award” because at night I am too lazy and cold to pre-select my clothes and in the morning I am too grumpy and cold to select a proper ensemble. But I will not allow this.  I do have a plan to adjust and defeat the cold. First, I will complain. Check.  Then I will stop writing.  Check. I have more to say on the cold weather but I am freezing and hungry and I must watch and read politics for the next six hours as a distraction. 

Adios! Stay warm and fit…if that’s possible!?!:)  What do you think?  Help!